So, I am a minor, at this point almost 100% a trans woman and I sometimes suddenly have these urges when I am with either of my parents to tell them. I know they are transphobic and most likely wouldn’t accept me, but I still get this feeling and I hate it.
It’s really normal to yearn for validation/acceptance of people in one’s life. It’s a kind of purgatory to wonder if the positive relationships in your life are invalidated by something that you can’t choose to be. It’s especially difficult, given the zeitgeist of anti-trans vitriol.
I’m really sorry that you have to go through this right now. Is your city large enough to have in-person resources for queer youth? Do you have any friends or family that are more open-minded? Things are 1000% easier if you have at least one person who accepts and supports you just the way you are in real life.